Hey goals, we have a problem.
Starting in January, you are bombarded with reminders to set goals. Lose weight, find a perfect mate, discover your dream job. You are motivated. You can do this. You think to yourself, “Goals are great!”
Until, of course, they aren’t.
That fresh enthusiasm starts to wane. Negative thoughts creep in. Your goals feel hard, insurmountable. You quietly give up. And you feel like you failed.
Sound familiar?
The problem isn’t you. The problem is the goal.
More and more, we are discovering that the pervasive culture of goal setting has unintentional negative side effects. Neuroscience research tells us that our brains are wired to seek rewards and to avoid discomfort, pain and fear.
According to a recent article in Psychology Today, “When the fear of failure creeps into the mind of a goal setter, it becomes a demotivator, triggering a desire to return to known, comfortable behaviors and thought patterns.”
So why do our goals often trigger the very things our brains are wired to avoid? The issue is we often set goals that are unrealistically far from our current state of being, without examining what is motivating us to create the goal in the first place.
In our social-media saturated culture, we set goals fueled by glossy images of perfection. Content intended to be uplifting and inspiring can instead feed into our subconscious fears of not being good enough, smart enough and beautiful enough; encouraging self judgment instead of motivation.
Focus on intention, not goals.
So what to do? Instead of setting goals, go deeper. Dig beneath the surface. Find the root of the goal; the inner reason you set the goal in the first place. Ask yourself why, again and again, until you find the simple, inner truth of the matter.
And then set a clear, simple intention from there.
If you aren’t accustomed to vigorous exercise, but you set a goal of running a marathon this year, dig deeper. You might discover your true intention is to develop your inner athlete, to challenge yourself both mentally and physically, to push your limits.
By using this as your guide, you can say yes to a wide variety of opportunities that support that intention - taking you to places beyond running.
By saying yes to experiences and activities that support your intention, rather than a specific goal, you might discover a passion for things you hadn’t dreamed.
Focusing on intention allows you to be fluid on your journey. It pulls you along to unknown areas of growth and potential. It reduces the risk of being demotivated by fear, while providing you with a touchstone to align yourself.
When faced with a decision, simply ask yourself, does this support my intention? If yes, proceed with confidence, give it a try and learn from the journey. There is no right or wrong.
If something doesn’t connect, flow to the next experience that supports your intention until it takes you where you want to go.
Above all, practice compassion for yourself and enjoy your unique journey.